Sunday, September 30, 2012

Stuck in a Rut

Hi Guys!

I am PUBLICLY PROMISING that I will write up a post before tomorrow morning. Promise. It might just be a NOTD, but it will be something.

But for now... I just want to vent a little bit! I have been feeling so unenthusiastic about makeup, and it's not because I'm not into makeup. Honestly, I just really don't want to take pictures of myself. I don't feel like I've been keeping myself up like I usually do, and I just can't stand the idea of taking photos of myself and having to go through them all. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I've been spending as little time on makeup as possible so I don't have to think about how unhappy I am with the way I look lately. It's not even a low self-esteem thing, I am just not happy with the way I've been looking when it comes to my hair, clothes, etc... I need a makeover or something! It's been so long since I've felt cute. I've felt "cute for me" or "prettier than usual", but not when compared to other people. I got my hair cut recently, and it looked great when the hair dresser styled it, but now that it's shorter (just at my shoulders) it gets super ugly if I let it air dry like I normally do. My hair is almost curly (if I let it air dry, I get weird looking ringlets), and being so wavy, it looks messy if I leave it unbrushed like gals with truly curly hair would do, but really poufy if I do brush it out. Now that it's shorter and doesn't have the length weighing it down, it just goes out sideways when I do that! So I need to teach myself how to style my hair.

I have also been really stressed out... My schoolwork isn't going the way I thought it would, which is really depressing. I thought I would graduate last spring, and now that it's looking like it won't be until next spring, I am so... upset isn't even the right word. It's like it's sucked all the emotion from me, and school and my thesis have become this black hole. I am at a point where I feel like school is keeping me from the things I want to accomplish, rather than helping me reach goals. Maybe I'd feel differently if there was a career I wanted that required the degree I'm working towards, but that's not the case. That being said, I am too close to the end (I've finished all my coursework, I just need to get through the thesis process) to walk away from it now. I'm trying to find a part-time job so finishing up school ASAP doesn't feel like my whole world. I really desperately need to be able to define myself with some successes, not just things I perceive as failures. I have an interview for a job I would really like to have tomorrow, and I am really nervous. I can feel my throat closing as I type this up, that's how nervous I am! So wish me luck and send me good energy!

Does anyone else ever feel like they get stuck in these ruts where they just aren't happy with their beauty routine, or wish they could mix things up but don't know how? Anyone else letting stress from "the real world" distract them from blogging?

Also, I really want to take this time to thank all of you guys who follow along and comment. It means a lot to me to be part of this community, and you guys support me more than you know!



  1. This sounds so much like me right now! (minus the school work!). Blogging seems like such a chore sometimes. Then it makes me depressed that I haven't done makeup posts, but I've been stuck doing everyday looks instead of anything exciting.

    Anyways, good luck in the interview! I hope hope you get out of your rut soon!

    1. Thanks Angie, it's nice to know I'm not alone! I hope you get excited about blogging again, too!

  2. Sarah!
    I totally get where you are coming from and there are many days that I feel that way too. I swear, its like EVERY semster, I am less and less motivated to finish school, let along even go at all. The whole school system is so messed up. It really pisses me off. But I just try to look at the bright side. When I think about not going to school, I begin to wonder what my life would be like if I didnt go to school. And to be honest, Im really not ready to work a full time job. Augh. The economy is effing (excuse me) everything up. They expect people to go to school with no money when tuition is high as F. We have no money, no job, no experience. And to be honest, the things I learned in highschool have not even helped me with my college courses.

    Since I made the switch in my major, (this is my 4th year of college, and dang it feels like Ill never finish!) but I feel like since switching I have actually learned somethings. Blah. Damn school. Makes me feel like horrible sometimes.

    Also, I know how you feel about being pretty. Since having my baby, I feel like not so pretty all the time. The baby weight that I gained (and have a hard time losing) makes me feel like crap. But Im trying to do something about. So, youre not alone in this rut!

    Just remember to be positive! Look at brighter side- I know its tough and youre not alone! Do what you can with what you can where you are! (=

    Sorry Im not help and sorry for the long novel.

    And good luck on your interview! Wishing you the best! (=

    1. Aww, you are helping, it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one who isn't happy about the way school is going! I had a really great undergrad experience and was super motivated the whole time, got good grades, graduated on time... I don't know why I expected my grad school experience to be more of the same! I just feel like I have been fighting it the whole time, it has never been a good fit with my life. Oh well, sometimes we just have to keep on keeping on. I honestly think I'd rather be working full time with where I am in my life, but I know that it is important to me to finish what I start, and that I'd really regret not getting my degree, and that's what keeps me going. I have to remind myself that it is something I am doing for my future self, not necessarily my present self! But it would really help if present self were not so BROKE! Haha...
      Ugh, and baby weight... At least that is normal! I know it probably still doesn't feel great carrying around, but you know that it was gained for an amazing cause and helped you nurture your child. I gained a lot of weight when my mom was sick and I was caring for her. It was really stressful and I had been relatively active before then, but I got too busy helping out around the house to do much. I feel like nobody tells you how much easier it is to stop gaining than it is to actually start losing!
      Well, good luck with everything, and hang in there... Things will get better, and school is important even when it's not fun.

  3. Awww *hugs* I think as a beauty blogger, we all get to the point where it becomes more of a chore than a hobby. If you blog for fun, I see no harm in just stepping away for a while. Take some time to regroup and take care of yourself first.

    As for school, I totally understand. I didn't get my diploma in time to teach abroad in Korea like I wanted and that just completely changed my career path. My boyfriend recently decided to withdraw from his PhD because he wasn't happy with where he was going with it. Not saying that you should withdraw, because it seems like you're pretty well into your studies. Even though you are finishing a year later, I have complete faith in you and know you will end your graduate studies with a BANG. Meanwhile, a part time job, especially one related to your field of study, could definitely help boost your mood. I know what you mean about wanting to just achieve something and do something successful. I'm looking forward to reading your thesis! I haven't forgotten :)

    As for hair (saved the best for last lol), what is your hair care regimen? For shampoo and conditioner, try aiming for something that will make your hair more sleek and straight. Short hair is a lot harder to tame, especially if there is some wave to it. I know you said you usually air dry your hair, but would you consider adding blowdrying to your routine? If you blowdry your hair straight with a little bit of serum in it, it would be significantly more manageable. You shoould also be able to ask your stylist for some tips. Let me know if you want access to professional products :)

    1. Thank you for the kind words! I don't think withdrawing at this point in time is the right choice for me, but I do know I won't be continuing on to a PhD program like I had originally planned, at least not right now. I just have to remind myself that, in the grand scheme of things, another year of school isn't the end of the world UNLESS I am putting everything else in my life on hold, so I can't let myself do that!

      And yes as for hair, I use a sleek/ straightening shampoo and conditioner, and I use products do help de-frizz and straighten my hair. It only does so much... I know I might just need to learn how to blowdry it properly. I try not to use heat on it too often because it is colored and I don't want to overly damage it (when it was really long, it was super damaged; that's why I cut off so much of the length), but I actually just went out and bought a thermal protectant so that I could try maaaaaybe flat ironing it. When I do blowdry my hair, it is usually just with a big paddle brush and my blowdryer. Do you have any tips regarding types of brushes or blowdryer attachments I should be using to help get it straighter and smoother?

  4. I feel your pain on the school thing. I went to university full time for 8 years and it literally sucked the life out of me. I am so glad to be done! I gained weight from sitting around studying and spent all my money on school rather than anything fun and never had time to do anything but study or work to save more money for school, it was pretty rough sometimes. I find that even now I have no attention span because I'm traumatized from studying or something.(OMG, I am like, the least inspiring person ever, jeez.) Hang in there, hopefully it will all be worth it once you graduate. I'm having some "hair issues" myself lately so I can relate to you there as well. I am really sick of my short hair (it was super long before I chopped it off, actually, the chopping was due to boredom and stress and being in a rut from school, incidentally). I am trying to grow it out right now and it is in a really awkward phase as it is short in the back but longer in the front and I am a bit self-conscious about it as I look a bit sketchy! Hopefully you come out of your rut soon and I hope your job interview went well! :)

    1. I feel like school has messed with my focus, too... It's hard for me to stay on task! My dad claims this is something that comes with age, which I guess could be true... But I'm blaming school! It's like you can only spend so many years focused on academic things before your brain starts to rebel. Growing out hair can be such a pain, I had a pixie cut and grew it out to be waist-length, so I went through every single awkward in-between phase imaginable. AND I later grew out my bangs. So that was even more awkward... They're *almost* long enough to not be a pain. Good luck, it will be worth it in the end when your hair is the way you want it!


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